Polyamory & Tantra Newsletter, October, 2005
Published by Janet Kira Lessin, P.T.S. and Sasha (Alex) Lessin, Ph.D.
808 244-4103 email: WorldPolyamory@aol.com
site: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com
link: http://www.schooloftantra.com/Newsletters/

Our Current Issues:
Printable Version: Polyamory & Tantra Newsletter - October 2005 (http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/Newsletters/October2005Newsletter.htm)
HTML Newsletter: http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/Newsletters/October2005Volume1.html

Kira's Intro:

Summer flew but our newsletter hasn't, not since May of '05.  This Summer, we flew from Maui to our Harbin Poly Conference, tantra seminars in Chicago, a polyamory presentation in St. Joseph and a Managing Jealousy conference in Berkeley. 

Harbin was fabulous--real community, great workshops, poly connections that'll last a lifetimes; can't wait to do it again even better at Harbin, Summer '06. 

In Chicago, David, Amanda and Lakshmi hosted us and facilitated our Adore Aphrodite and Delight Dionysus seminars and Sash and Amber rode bikes for hours along Lake Michigan. 

In St Joseph, Janet and Stewart Swerdlow hosted us at the Expansions Conference, where we introduced the ideas of relationship choice.  The Swerdlows are incredible high beings, super nice folks. Check out their web site (www.expansions.com). 

Dr. Dave Doleshal and his poly mates, Kirsten and Mike led the Berkeley Jealousy Management Conference where we presented our workshop, "Embrace your Jealous and Compersive Voices."   (We've brought Kirsten and Mike into the World Polyamory Association Central Committee to bring you the 2006 World Polyamory Conference at Harbin Hot Springs, CA May 12-14.  Super early registrants get super discounts so give me a call before Thanksgiving and I'll give you a super special deal. :)

Home on Maui, we're remodeling the houses we bought next door, building our healing center, school (Gaia Gardens School of Sacred Studies), church/temple (Tantra Theosophical Society - www.tantratheosophicalsociety.com) and Synergy Community.  Our vision clarifies.  And we can again resume the Newsletter.

We're home, super stoked, for the rest of 2005, ready for an exciting, fun-filled, educational Fall/Winter Tantra School semester here in our Maui jungle retreat.  We met so of you awesome people this year on our travels and some of you are coming here for Tantra School this Fall and Winter, so we're going to have a really special semester. 

We're revamping our web sites to be more interactive and dynamic.  We're looking into adding features, like web classes, downloadable books, conferencing, membership areas with special features and discounts, chat, forum and much more.

On Maui, we offer a full range of polyamory and tantra events, seminars, classes and certification programs.  We added traditional psychological and communication classes, groups and certification programs for counselors.  We also certify ancient anthropology studies.  Dr. Lessin used to teach psychology, anthropology, comparative religion and more at the University of Hawaii and other universities.  He's currently on staff at the International University of Professional Studies (www.iups.edu).  He's kept up on his fields and has new things to teach us all.  We already have registrations for this season in Maui and still have room for more.  Call us early before we get booked.  We'd love to meet you or if we've met before, see you again.

We're negotiating with other presenters and organizers, collaborating on more conferences, seminars and events for this Winter, Spring and Summer.  Stay informed of the exciting things we're creating; sign up for our Newsletters.  Let us know early if you want to present at our conferences as we have to limit the number of presenters we select.

If you can't get to the Islands we can do phone consultations and classes with you.  We love meeting and helping you any way we can.  Meeting in-person's always nice, of course, but second and third best ways to meet you are 2) over the phone or 3) email.  We get lots from your spoken and even typed words across the miles and can, with voices and typing, do tons of good work.  And we'd love to create opportunities to meet you somewhere, someplace down the line.  We love our work; it's our right-livelihood, a super high spiritual path for us.  We feel blessed you've all supported us over the years as we brought you programs.  We look forward to doing what we can for as many as we can, as long as we can.

While the snows fly back on the Mainland, it's warm and sunny on Maui.  Next Spring and Summer, when snows thaw and tulips bloom we'll eagerly again journey to meet more of you. 

Until then,
Love, Blessings, Warmest Aloha,
Kira ~

Contents of this Polyamory/Tantra Newsletter:

Explore Loving More - article and guide for loving by Janet Kira Lessin
Poly Tribe - December 4 - 11, 2005
3.   Club Tantra - Saturdays 7PM
4.   DreamMaker Dating Clubs
5.   DreamMaker Group Meeting  - October 28, 2005
 Club Tantra & DreamMaker Mixer Party! - Special Halloween Party
7.   Polyamory Connection: Poly Dating, Support Group, Wednesdays 7PM
8.   Tantra Connection Dating Club - November 11, 2005
9.   Voice Dialogue Group - Mondays 7PM
10. Breaking the Godspell - Wednesdays, 7PM

11. Certified Ancient Anthropology Reader - Level I - October 31 - November 4, 2005
12. Tantra Transformation & Intimacy Intensive - November 7 - 13, 2005
13. Synergy Community - Intentional Polyamorous, Tantric, Psychospiritual Community Seeks New Members
14. November 2005 Calendar of Events - http://www.schooloftantra.com/Calendars/2005/November2005.htm
15. December 2005 Calendar of Events - http://www.schooloftantra.com/Calendars/2005/December2005.htm
16. January 2006 Calendar of Events - http://www.schooloftantra.com/Calendars/2006/January2006.htm



Many couples today explore polyamory and swinging. Ever-increasing droves of people flock to conferences, new clubs, websites, private “lifestyle” and “playcouple” activities all over the world.

Most paired-up people who swing or love in a polyamorous triad or moresome enhance their erotic and romantic connection with each other. Some couples, however, seek the lifestyle for the wrong reason–to fix their dysfunctional relationships. In such couples, rather than improve their sour relating, polyamory or swapping may trigger breakups. But most pairs who sample polyamory or the lifestyle deepen their love and intimacy with each other when they love others.

Genetic tests show most humans’ actual behavior is not sexually exclusive with monogamous mates. Our sexual behavior resembles that of our genetically closest primate, the chimp-like Bonobos. Like
Bonobos, we couple with multiple partners, though unlike Bonobos, who openly copulate in front of their sexual partners, humans more often hide their non-monogamous coupling from sight and knowledge of their mates. Such hiding reduces the intimacy of relating between the cheater and his or her mate.

Most humans are actually covertly polysexual (more than one sexual partner), while only some, albeit a swelling number, are overtly polyamorous (one than one love in their life).

Most of us keep loving lovers even after we or they end our sexual connection. I love everyone I’ve ever loved and most people who come to me for therapy continue loving those they've loved in their lives.

Our hearts open and we love those we make love with, especially if we regularly enjoy sex with them. We fall in love with people with whom we share sex. We humans--male or female--develop affection, warmth, desire to enjoy one another time and again when we make love over and over with each other. We naturally bond. We love.

Society’s realizing the falseness of old beliefs, beliefs like the belief that most of us are faithfully monogamous or the belief that you can have sex without becoming fond of your lovers. Instead, as the growing polyamorous and lifestyle couples attest, We all have a huge capacity to love and enjoy sex. Many of us are more than able to love many and have tons of sex at the same time. I learned by making love with others while I’m still in love with my husband that I’m ever more turned-on to lovemaking.

Many people nowadays stop connecting sexually with their spouses. I’m a counselor.  At least ten times a week couples complain they don't make love anymore.  Why?  Do we simply get bored with one another? Are we angry?  Resentful?  I know from my own past and the experiences of those I counsel, that partners who still live together but don't connect sexually with each other still love each other. They panic when they consider leaving no-sex spouses who used to make love with them, because they still love them. They’re friends, comfortable with one another. They mix finances and perhaps raise children together. They know and love each other’s relatives; they share friends and interests together.  They don’t want to lose what they’ve built. They don’t want to sell their homes, divide their holdings. So many reasons to stay together, crazy to part just because they stopped sharing sex with each other or because they love others.

Counseling helps non-sexual couples open to sex with each other again. Tantra can also help rekindle their desire; I highly recommend it. But what really enthuses a couple to juicy sex with each other is swinging or polyamory.  Couples return home to each other, turned-on from their erotic encounters with others and screw each other’s brains out for days. When they f*ck like minks, chemicals flow, they feel close and feel again in love with each other.

II used to be on the polyamory-only bandwagon. But after intensely studying the swinger movement for the past nine years, I see they’re onto something. A strange piece of ass, watching your partner with someone else, touching two or three people at the same time, doing more than one at a time, breaking taboos, or stretching beyond your own boundaries turns people on.

Sure, there’s jealousy. That’s also human nature.  We can use, then get over jealousy. Hang in there with your jealousy, ride it, experience it, feel it, talk it out and never make yourself or your lovers wrong about their feelings and soon you laugh seek sexual adventures together.  Like explorers, or hunters on the prowl, together you’ll discuss who’s attractive, what’s attractive and actually be able to act on attractions if you chose.

I suggest couples trying polyamory or swinging stay together as they explore other loves. That’s what works the best for us. If you’re at all insecure, it can be harder for you to relax when your partner goes offstage with another lover, easier if you all share loving in each others’ view and, even better, co-participate. Couples who watch and share each others’ excitement build ever-more desire for each other.

Swinging may be too far out for some of us. Living together with more than one mate may be just as far out for others. A few couples whom we see regularly is the poly lifestyle that works best for Sash and me.  I like getting to know new lovers on a very deep level and can do this living separately. Living
with anyone but Sasha is hard for me; I get anxious with too many people around all the time.  I’m a private person, need privacy, peace and quiet. So living apart and loving together now and again is fine with me.

Of course there’s a time for many to be monogamous for parts of their lives. I’ve done it and enjoyed it–for awhile. Though some folks are even happily monogamous all their lives, few love and want sex only with one person their entire lives.  We may be mono (one), amorous (loving) part our lives.  But cultural conditioning makes many of us continue monogamously despite the death of sex in the monogamous relationship and despite the fact that we have non-monogamous fantasies, desires and affairs. I have friends who fear losing face if peers knew they considered multi-lover intimacy.

However, if we humans are truthful, at least to ourselves in our own hearts, we are going to have to admit, one and all, that we have feelings and attractions for many, many people in the course of our lives. And when we get to that point, where we’re real with ourselves, than perhaps we can begin to forgive those who do what we dare not, and quit being so sanctimonious.  Instead of shaming our politicians and celebrities, realize human nature. Bill and Hillary Clinton are probably in an open marriage. Bill just got careless.  If they could talk truth, we’d progress light years.

Using modern DNA testing, we found 99.9% of all the species are non-monogamous. Our genetic cousins, the Bonobos practice polyamory, swinging and bisexual sex.  We’re similar. Hospitals using DNA tests find many a dad on the birth certificate isn't the biological father.

Polyamory’s a high spiritual practice. So’s swinging. One swing club in Northern Washington State has a Goddess Ritual where a woman takes on all comers. She seats herself on a swing chair with an endless supply of condoms and the men line up out the door. Some women have been known take on 40 or 50 men during this ritual. She ends up in an enlightened, altered state of consciousness.

Besides being a high spiritual practice and very sexy, being polyamory and couple playing are fun. Cut lose and play as you might have when you were a kid playing outside on a hot Summer eve. When you’re all careful about STD’s and respectful, honest, courteous, kind, loving and playful with one another, you can make love in a puppy puddle with the same abandon you had when you were little playing football, wrestling or King of the Mountain. Poly’s fun.

October 2005
24  - 9AM - 5PM 
Inner Voices Dialogue & Centering Certified Practitioner 7 PM - Group Voice Dialogue
25 - 9AM - 5PM 
Inner Voices Dialogue & Centering Certified Practitioner 7 PM Breaking the Godspell
26 - 9AM - 5PM 
Inner Voices Dialogue & Centering Certified Practitioner 7 PM Polyamory Connection
27 - 9AM - 5PM 
Inner Voices Dialogue & Centering Certified Practitioner
28 - 9AM - 5PM 
Inner Voices Dialogue & Centering Certified Practitioner 7 PM DreamMaker Mixer Party!
29 -
7 PM Club Tantra & DreamMaker Mixer Party! Special Halloween Party
30 - Lessins Maui, HI - available for private classes, tantra or counseling
31  - 9AM - 5PM Certified Ancient Anthropology Reader - Level I 7 PM - Group Voice Dialogue

World Polyamory Association
, School of Tantra, World Peace Association, World Tantra Association

Sasha Lessin, Ph. D. & Janet Kira Lessin

1371 Malaihi Road
Wailuku, Maui, HI 96793
, janetkiralessin@aol.com, WorldPolyamory@aol.com, SchoolofTantra@aol.com, WorldPeaceAssoc@aol.com, WorldTantraAssoc@aol.com