Newsletter, October, 2005
Published by Janet Kira Lessin, P.T.S. and Sasha (Alex) Lessin, Ph.D.
808 244-4103 email: WorldPolyamory@aol.com
Our Current Issues:
Printable Version: Polyamory & Tantra
Newsletter - October 2005 (http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/Newsletters/October2005Newsletter.htm)
Summer flew but our newsletter
hasn't, not since May of '05. This Summer, we flew from Maui to
our Harbin Poly Conference, tantra seminars in Chicago, a polyamory
presentation in St. Joseph and a Managing Jealousy conference in
Harbin was fabulous--real community,
great workshops, poly connections that'll last a lifetimes; can't wait to do it
again even better at Harbin, Summer '06.
In Chicago, David, Amanda and
Lakshmi hosted us and facilitated our Adore Aphrodite and Delight Dionysus
seminars and Sash and Amber rode bikes for hours along Lake Michigan.
In St Joseph, Janet and Stewart
Swerdlow hosted us at the Expansions Conference, where we introduced the ideas
of relationship choice. The Swerdlows are incredible high beings, super
nice folks. Check out their web site (www.expansions.com).
Dr. Dave Doleshal and his poly mates, Kirsten and Mike
led the Berkeley Jealousy Management Conference where we presented our workshop,
"Embrace your Jealous and Compersive Voices." (We've brought Kirsten
and Mike into the World Polyamory Association Central Committee to bring
you the 2006 World Polyamory Conference at Harbin Hot Springs, CA May
12-14. Super early registrants get super discounts so give me
a call before Thanksgiving and I'll give you a super special deal. :)
Home on Maui, we're remodeling the
houses we bought next door, building our
healing center, school (Gaia Gardens School of Sacred Studies),
church/temple (Tantra Theosophical Society -
Community. Our vision clarifies. And we can again resume
super stoked, for the rest of 2005, ready for an
exciting, fun-filled, educational Fall/Winter Tantra School semester here
in our Maui jungle retreat. We met so of you awesome people this year on our
travels and some of you are coming here for Tantra School this Fall and Winter,
so we're going to have a really special semester.
We're revamping our web sites to be
more interactive and dynamic. We're looking into adding features, like web
classes, downloadable books, conferencing, membership areas with special
features and discounts, chat, forum and much more.
On Maui, we offer a full range of polyamory and tantra events, seminars, classes and
certification programs. We added traditional psychological and
communication classes, groups and certification
programs for counselors. We also certify ancient anthropology
studies. Dr. Lessin used to teach
psychology, anthropology, comparative religion and more at the University
of Hawaii and other universities. He's currently on staff at the
International University of Professional Studies (www.iups.edu).
He's kept up on his fields and has new things to teach us all. We already have registrations
for this season in Maui and still have room for more. Call us early
before we get booked. We'd love to meet you or if we've met before,
see you again.
We're negotiating with other presenters and organizers, collaborating
on more conferences, seminars and events for this Winter, Spring and
Summer. Stay informed of the exciting things
we're creating; sign up for our
us know early if you want to present at our conferences as we have to limit the
number of presenters we select.
If you can't get to the Islands we can do phone consultations
and classes with you. We love meeting and helping you
any way we can. Meeting in-person's always nice, of course, but second
and third best ways to meet you are 2) over the phone or 3) email. We get lots
from your spoken and even typed words across
the miles and can, with voices and typing, do tons of good work. And we'd love to create
opportunities to meet you somewhere, someplace down the line. We
love our work; it's our right-livelihood, a super high
spiritual path for us. We feel blessed you've all supported us over the
years as we brought you programs. We look forward to doing
what we can for as many as we can, as long as we can.
While the snows fly back on
the Mainland, it's warm and sunny on Maui. Next Spring and Summer, when
snows thaw and tulips bloom we'll eagerly again journey to
meet more of you.
Love, Blessings, Warmest Aloha,
of this Polyamory/Tantra Newsletter:
Explore Loving More - article and guide for loving by Janet Kira Lessin
Tribe - December 4 - 11, 2005
Club Tantra -
DreamMaker Dating Clubs
DreamMaker Group Meeting - October 28, 2005
DreamMaker Mixer Party! - Special
Connection: Poly Dating, Support Group, Wednesdays 7PM
Tantra Connection Dating Club - November 11, 2005
Dialogue Group - Mondays 7PM
Breaking the Godspell - Wednesdays, 7PM
Certified Ancient Anthropology Reader - Level I -
October 31 - November 4, 2005
Tantra Transformation & Intimacy Intensive - November
7 - 13, 2005
Synergy Community - Intentional Polyamorous, Tantric, Psychospiritual
Community Seeks New Members
November 2005 Calendar of Events -
2005 Calendar of Events - http://www.schooloftantra.com/Calendars/2005/December2005.htm
January 2006 Calendar of Events - http://www.schooloftantra.com/Calendars/2006/January2006.htm
EXPLORE LOVING MORE Janet Kira Lessin
Many couples today explore polyamory and swinging. Ever-increasing droves of
people flock to conferences, new clubs, websites, private “lifestyle” and
“playcouple” activities all over the world.
Most paired-up people who swing or love in a polyamorous triad or moresome
enhance their erotic and romantic connection with each other. Some couples,
however, seek the lifestyle for the wrong reason–to fix their dysfunctional
relationships. In such couples, rather than improve their sour relating,
polyamory or swapping may trigger breakups. But most pairs who sample polyamory
or the lifestyle deepen their love and intimacy with each other when they love
Genetic tests show most humans’ actual behavior is not sexually exclusive with
monogamous mates. Our sexual behavior resembles that of our genetically closest
primate, the chimp-like Bonobos. Like
Bonobos, we couple with multiple partners,
though unlike Bonobos, who openly copulate in front of their sexual partners,
humans more often hide their non-monogamous coupling from sight and knowledge of
their mates. Such hiding reduces the intimacy of relating between the cheater
and his or her mate.
Most humans are actually covertly polysexual (more than one sexual partner),
while only some, albeit a swelling number, are overtly polyamorous (one than one
love in their life).
Most of us keep loving lovers even after we or they end our sexual connection. I
love everyone I’ve ever loved and most people who come to me for therapy
continue loving those they've loved in their lives.
Our hearts open and we love those we make love with, especially if we regularly
enjoy sex with them. We fall in love with people with whom we share
sex. We humans--male or female--develop affection, warmth, desire to enjoy one
another time and again when we make love over and over with each other. We naturally
bond. We love.
Society’s realizing the falseness of old beliefs, beliefs like the belief that
most of us are faithfully monogamous or the belief that you can have sex without
becoming fond of your lovers. Instead, as the growing polyamorous and lifestyle
couples attest, We all have a huge capacity to love and enjoy sex. Many of us
are more than able to love many and have tons of sex at the same time. I learned
by making love with others while I’m still in love with my husband that I’m ever
more turned-on to lovemaking.
Many people nowadays stop connecting sexually with their spouses. I’m a
counselor. At least ten times a week couples complain they don't make love
Why? Do we simply get bored with one another? Are we angry? Resentful?
I know from my own past and the experiences of those I counsel, that partners
who still live together but don't connect sexually with each other still love each other.
They panic when they consider leaving no-sex spouses who used to make love with
them, because they still love them. They’re friends, comfortable with
one another. They mix finances and perhaps raise
children together. They know and love each other’s relatives; they share friends and interests together.
They don’t want to lose what
they’ve built. They don’t want to sell their homes, divide their holdings. So
many reasons to stay together, crazy to part just because they stopped sharing
sex with each other or because they love others.
Counseling helps non-sexual couples open to sex with each other again. Tantra
can also help rekindle their desire; I highly recommend it. But what really
enthuses a couple to juicy sex with each other is swinging or polyamory.
Couples return home to each other, turned-on from their erotic encounters with
others and screw each other’s brains out for days. When they f*ck like minks,
chemicals flow, they feel close and feel again in love with each other.
II used to be on the polyamory-only bandwagon. But after intensely studying the
swinger movement for the past nine years, I see they’re onto something. A strange
piece of ass, watching your partner with someone else, touching two or three
people at the same time, doing more than one at a time, breaking taboos, or
stretching beyond your own boundaries turns people on.
Sure, there’s jealousy. That’s also human nature. We can use, then get
over jealousy. Hang in there with your jealousy, ride it, experience it, feel it,
talk it out and never make yourself or your lovers wrong about their feelings and soon you laugh
seek sexual adventures together.
Like explorers, or hunters on the prowl, together you’ll discuss who’s
attractive, what’s attractive and actually be able to act on attractions if
I suggest couples trying polyamory or swinging stay together as they
explore other loves. That’s what works the best for us. If you’re at all
insecure, it can be harder for you to relax when your partner goes offstage with
another lover, easier if you all share loving in each others’ view and, even
better, co-participate. Couples who watch and share each others’ excitement
build ever-more desire for each other.
Swinging may be too far out for some of us. Living together with more than one mate
may be just as far out for others. A few couples whom we see regularly is the
poly lifestyle that works best
for Sash and me. I like getting to know
new lovers on a very deep level and can do this living separately. Living
with anyone but Sasha is hard for me; I get
anxious with too many people around all the time. I’m a private person, need
privacy, peace and quiet. So living apart and loving together now and again is
fine with me.
Of course there’s a time for many to be monogamous for parts of their lives.
I’ve done it and enjoyed it–for awhile. Though some folks are even happily
monogamous all their lives, few love and want sex only with one person their
entire lives. We may be mono (one), amorous (loving) part our lives.
But cultural conditioning makes many of us continue monogamously despite the
death of sex in the monogamous relationship and despite the fact that we have
non-monogamous fantasies, desires and affairs. I have friends who fear losing
face if peers knew they considered multi-lover intimacy.
However, if we humans are truthful, at least to ourselves in our own
hearts, we are going to have to admit, one and all, that we have feelings and
attractions for many, many people in the course of our lives. And when we get to
that point, where we’re real with ourselves, than perhaps we can begin to
forgive those who do what we dare not, and quit being so sanctimonious. Instead of shaming our politicians and celebrities, realize human nature. Bill and Hillary
Clinton are probably in an open marriage. Bill just got careless. If they could
talk truth, we’d progress light years.
DNA testing, we found 99.9% of all the species are non-monogamous. Our genetic
cousins, the Bonobos practice polyamory, swinging and bisexual sex. We’re similar.
Hospitals using DNA tests find many a dad on the birth certificate isn't the
Polyamory’s a high spiritual practice. So’s swinging. One swing club in Northern
Washington State has a Goddess Ritual where a woman takes on all comers. She
seats herself on a swing chair with an endless supply of condoms and the men
line up out the door. Some women have been known take on 40 or 50 men during
this ritual. She ends up in an enlightened, altered state of consciousness.
Besides being a high spiritual practice and very sexy, being polyamory and
couple playing are fun. Cut lose and play as you might have when you were a kid
playing outside on a hot Summer eve. When you’re all careful about STD’s and
respectful, honest, courteous, kind, loving and playful with one another, you
can make love in a puppy puddle with the same abandon you had when you were
little playing football, wrestling or King of the Mountain. Poly’s fun.
World Polyamory Association, School
of Tantra, World Peace
Association, World Tantra
Sasha Lessin, Ph. D. & Janet Kira Lessin
1371 Malaihi Road
Wailuku, Maui, HI 96793