A growing number of people are choosing a new way of life. They have rejected monogamy and turned their backs on conventional relationships. They believe their lifestyle is the future. They believe in polyamory.
Polyamory is the philosophy and practice of loving more than one. It means you no longer have to make do with one partner. You can have two or three, and so on without fear of jealousy or reprisal, and so can your partner.
With divorce rates almost up to one in two and 60% of couples having affairs, this fascinating film follows two ‘polyamorous’ families to see whether this growing subculture really could be a justifiable alternative to monogamy…?
REPROGRAM YOURSELF FOR POLYAMORY
by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. firstname.lastname@example.org
Use the pattern I present to reprogram poly-relating problems and pare pernicious imprints parents, priests and the public perpetrated. Prune the imprints and we produce the Pearls of Poly.
We attract people who enact our inchoate, underdeveloped, suppressed, despised or otherwise disowned aspects, inner voices, shadow subselves and hated habits. We see in those we attract what we admire and what we dislike in ourselves. Our lovers reflect parts we need to accept, honor and enjoy to feel whole.
Use difficulties with our lovers to deepen our intimacy. Difficulties lead to emotional growth and deeper intimacy when we work through them. Discuss and resolve them or, if the difficulties seem unsolvable, relive and change past scripts to see the opportunities inherent in the difficulty.
Keep the valuable learning and the adaptive inner voices we developed to cope with the situation that fueled your upset.
Process upsets as they occur in interaction with lovers. Example: when my mate Janet, or someone we’re loving feels upset in a poly pod love-in, we stop sex and focus on the upset person and ask what we can do for her. If she’s still upset, we ask her to respond aloud to each of the cue sentences below. Use these cues to move from upset to more intimacy in similar circumstances.
Recall or imagine earlier–even childhood–times or invoke past life images that resonate with an upset, difficulty or limitation you have with me [or ?].
Describe the earlier, similar situation you recall or imagine.
Relive the upset or situation; feel your body and emotions as you did then.
Express your feelings me and to the the other people involved as though they’re here.
What decisions did you make? How have those decisions served you?
What inner voice developed to protect you?
Sit in a different place [Wait till s/he moves.] . Roleplay that inner voice. Say how you still serve her [or him].
What, Protective Voice, would you like her/him to appreciate you for.
What, Voice, worries you about the upset s/he’s having now with me [or ?]?
Return to your Center. [Wait till s/he moves.] Tell me ways you can coordinate the needs of your protective, vulnerable and instinctual voices.
Say how you choose to relate to me [or ?].
EMBRACE EMPATHY & JEALOUSY
Center and you embrace your Inner Empath, the part of you that enjoys the joy of those you love.
You can feel jealous, and that’s okay, even useful for your spiritual and emotion growth.
And you can also feel your Inner Empath and comperse. When you comperse, you enjoy your lovers loving others.
Your Jealous Voice attunes you to your deep needs. Jealousy shows you what you need to love yourself and let others love you. Jealousy pushes you to rescript to love yourself and others better.
Honor and also transcend your jealous concerns and you feel the deep loving consciousness you, your beloveds and their beloveds share.
Appreciate both Jealous and Empathetic Voices from your discerning, inner perspective, your Center. From your Center, you sense–under the jealous pangs–what the Inner Child needs. From your Center too, you can at the same time sense the your empathetic voice, your Inner Empath, who rejoices as your beloved experiences love and sexual pleasure.
[GUIDING PARTNERS. You’re the Guide, your partner’s the Experiencer. As Guide, read the Experiencer the bold cues aloud. Read anything enclosed in square brackets [like this] silently. Give Experiencer time to respond aloud where you see asterisks (***). ]
Center yourself: imagine you sit between your Insecure and Confident voices, your Inner Derider and your Inner Praiser, your Giver and your Taker. From your CENTER, experience between any two voices when you accept both. Tell me when you feel centered. ***
Tell me about your JEALOUS VOICE, the part of you that fears competition, loss or envy. What’s your Jealous Voice like? *** What does it do for you ? ***
Move to a new position, a position to actually enact your Jealous Voice. Identify with, become it. Take Jealous Voice’s posture; become it energetically. As Jealous Voice, say what you do for [name of the person you’re guiding], how you contribute to her/his inner ecology. ***
If you, Jealous Voice, ran [ name]’s life, what would you have [name] do? *** Why would you have [name] do that? ***
When did you emerge as a voice in [name]’s life? *** What’s your history, times when you took center stage, as [name]’s Jealous Voice? ***
How did and do you shield [name]’s vulnerable Inner Child from hurt in situations that evoke you, Jealous Voice? ***
Say, Jealous Voice, how you protect [name] from feeling “less than” people you compare to you. ***
How can [name] improve the areas s/he feels inferior? ***
What concerns you as far as possible loss of attention and care from your love? ***
How do you contribute to the reactions you fear? *** How do you help? ***
What do you want [name] to appreciate you for? ***
Close your eyes, Jealous Voice. Imagine you acess ANOTHER LIFE where you imprinted your jealousy script. Fantasize you wear another body, one where you imprint the attitude that influences you in your jealous reactions today.
Let yourself feel–then look at the feet of a person in an earlier life, a person whose story will help [name] understand what motivates you, Jealous Voice, at a deep level.
What, if anything, covers your feet? *** Tell me about your feet. ***
Imagine they’re your feet. And notice the rest of your body. What’s your body like?
Young or old? *** Weak or strong? *** Male or female? ***
How’re you dressed? *** Tell me where you are. *** Describe your surroundings. ***
Who’s there? *** Tell me the situation. ***
Say what’s going on around you. ***
What’s about to happen? ***
Experience the key scene that led to your jealous scripting. Describe it in the present tense as it unfolds. ***
What emotions and body sensations do you experience in this scene? ***
Feel those feelings now. Sink into them more deeply. Now express your emotions, move your body, tell the other people involved in the scene how you feel. Tell them aloud. ***
What do you decide as a result of this scene.? ***
Do you draw any negative conclusions from that experience? *** Do you still carry jealous, vengeful or angry attitudes from that situation? ***
Relate your death. *** Say when you’re not in that body anymore. ***
Go to a higher place. Meet and speak aloud to any souls you harmed or who harmed you in the scene you imagined. Forgive yourself and them. ***
If you could redo that life, Jealous Voice, what would you change? ***
What did you need to experience and learn, that life? ***
Anyone from that past life remind you of someone in this life? ***
Compare the past life with this one. ***
Thank you, Jealous Voice, I understand how you feel and how you make sense. Would you let [name] return to your Center position? ***
[Wait till s/he moves.] Hi, Center. Tell me about your INNER EMPATH, the part of you that rejoices at the joy your lovers share with others ***
Move to a position for that self. [Wait till s/he moves.] Become your inner Empath. Say how you are, what you do *** and what you would like to do for [name]. ***
SAY the main times she/he [choose one] experienced you, when you came out in [name] ‘s life. ***
Tell me how the times you came out helped [name] . ***
Tell me what you’d like appreciation for. ***
Tell me about the areas of [name]’s life nowadays where you’d like her/him [choose one] to rejoice at the joy her/his [choose] love(s) share(s) with others. ***
Rate and describe, from your perspective as [name]’s Empath, [name] ‘s successes rejoicing at the love her/his [choose] beloved(s) share(s) with others? ***
Thank you, Empath. Would you let [name] return to the Center position. [Wait till s/he moves.] Feel and appreciate your Jealous and Empathetic Voices at the same time. What’ve you’ve learned so far. ****
Move to another position and become your SEXUAL VOICE, the part of you that feels sexual and sensual. [Wait till s/he moves.] As Sexual Voice, what’re your reactions to the situations that bring out [name]’s Jealous and Empathetic Voices? *** What else would you like [name] to know? ***
Thank you, Sexual Voice. Would you let [name] return to Center. [Wait till s/he moves.] Any comments you’d like to make on the Sexual Voice, from your perspective as Center? ***
Move to another position and become your SPIRITUAL VOICE, the part of you that experiences the love, beauty, perfection and sacredness in all situations. [Wait till s/he moves.] As Spiritual Voice, what’re your reactions to the situations that bring out [name]’s Jealous and Empathetic Voices? ***
What else would you like [name] to know? ***
Thank you, Spiritual Voice. Let [name] return to Center. [Wait till s/he moves.] Any comments you’d like to make on the Spiritual Voice, from your perspective as Center? ****
Move to another position for any other voice–perhaps your PRACTICAL, CRITICAL, ARTISTIC or CHILD Voice–that wants to express itself (about managing your Jealous Voice). Say what voice you’re enacting and say what, from your unique view, you’d like [name] to hear . ***
Thank you, I liked talking with you. Let [name] return to Center. [Wait till s/he moves.]
Move again. This time, become the facilitative part of yourself; be your INNER GUIDE. Summarize the session. Review the selves [name] voiced and what she/he learned from each.”
Now focus on yourself, Inner Guide, as one of [name]’s voices. Say your qualities? What would you like [name] to hear?”***
Go back to the Center seat. Discuss the session. ***